I want to get out of this trap
I have fallen again in this trapI don’t understand muchI ask questions to clear my mindIt only seems to complicate muchMake me ask more questionsWhy can’t my mind understandThat there’s nothing to worry aboutExcept clarityClarity makes more confusedThe eternal sadness has come backWith tears poring on a sticky faceNostrils blocked breath from my mouthBreathing fast and body shakingI swallow another pillThat calms my mindEyes are drowsy with half asleepWeird dreams wake me upFeeling even more scared. Frightened to go outFrightened to see peopleDoc says meds need changingHow many times have I said thisTries to see a specialistWhose busy till AprilMental illness seems to be on the rise.Mental Health service is no betterPaperwork, questions answers.Would you harm yourself?Don’t be sillyYears ago a little girl saved my lifeWhen no one didMade me into someone who was clever.It’s my turn to sort this out once and for allDo you think I would want to kill that little girl who saved me?Never! She and I will liveWhy can’t I realise my mind is playing games. Counsellors making money £100 a sessionIt’s big business for some of themTakes your bank details even before s session startsOh get lost!Let mental health do its job, but have they got the time. This episode started with FibromyalgiaWhich has frightened me that I will never get betterNo medication, doctors don’t careI can’t recognise my bodyI have lost a stone in weightI don’t want any counsellorsI need good friends who are hard to findEverything is too hard to find these daysEven the family has disappeared.