FEAR!
I can’t understand why I’m always frightened these daysIt seems to be the feeling mostly in my brin right nowI wake up in the morning with anxiety attacksMost mornings I live with fearThey’re mostly on trivial thingsIt could be to throw something in the binOr to do the washing upI’m even frightened to eat! This fear is hand in hand with depressionI am on medication for itI will soon see a CounsellorBut I’m frightened to go outThe present episode started when I became illI feel I would never get betterAs I get older the fear is moreI worry about who is going to look after me. I have had anxiety disorder beforeI usually get better with improved confidenceCare from people I knowFriends keeping in touch with meWith the right medication and talking therapyMy main problem is lonelinessI don’t have anyone to spend time with or talk to. Yesterday I rang my doctor who was in a foul moodShe shouted at me several timesDespite the fact she knew that this would make me feel worseShe is aware that care and kindness make me feel betterI have been with her for over 20 yearsShe has been kind to me for many yearsNow that she’s part time and coming up to retirementHer attitude has changed. Fear is the scariest feeling you can experienceIt makes you feel exhausted and lack energyYou don’t feel like doing anythingYou always think what’s making you frightenedYou become an insomniac and get more tiredMost of the time you can’t explain why you’re scaredYour conscious mind knows there’s nothing to be frightened ofAnd yet you can’t help being frightened.