A Freshers Mum
The struggles real...
This is the first time in seventeen years I have not been able to be with you when you are sick. And it broke me.You are hardly ever poorly.But when you are, you look for me.Not that I can do anything. You will still be sick if I am there or not. But it's a comfort thing. And just having your mum near, Makes everything seem as if it's better. The stroke of your mum's hand on your fevered brow, Or the comforting, reassuring pat on the back, somehow makes things more bearable. And you look for your mum to give you this. Yesterday was no exception.Your early morning phone call telling me of your 'Fresher’s flu' Left me as hot and cold as you were. When the realisation kicked inYou didn't even have any paracetamol to take the edge off, I felt terrible.How could I not think to send supplies in case of emergencies! 'The mother of the year award goes to...'Thank goodness for Morrison’s and online shopping. With the click of a button the order was in for supplies to be sent to halls of residence,Only there was no slots until the next day.You would have to suffer.Alone.Checking in on you by video was my only option. But it was annoying you while you tried to sleep,So I left you to rest, with a virtual hug sent your way at 8.30pm.Next morning, lying awake from early hours, willing a reasonable hour to come quick so I can check on you... 7am strikes. I call.7.30 I call.8am I call.I call. And call.And call.No response.Your delivery is coming between 10.30- 11.30am. Perhaps you are sleeping until then.Perhaps you have set the alarm.Still I call.And keep calling.I notice I have called you 16 times.I start to panic.You have a new phone and you said it's loud.It should have wakened you.What if somethings wrong.What if you needed help and your flatmates didn't know.I call again.No answer.I check when you were last online. 22.20 last night. Then I stumble on a Facebook post —Not noticing until later the incident happened 2008.'Student - 20 - dies reheating tomato pasta left out at room temperature for 5 days'.And I think about the food that lay overnight in the car before you packed it away, and later eat it. What if it had made you sick.I phone.No answer.OMG. What if you are lying dead... I'm up and dressed now. I have already planned the journey up to see if you are OK. The phones on charge for the satnav when it rings and it's you.And I breathe a sigh of relief to know you had turned off your notifications To try and get a sleep.And that you are very much alive...Still feeling shit - but alive.And I think 'Thank God'Week 1.Five years of this.My heart won't take it.