Depression
I have struggled with depression, although right now it is not my depression I am struggling with. The depression that surrounds me looks like: an overflowing garbage bin,items placed where they don't belong, dirty dishes piled up, even though I cleaned the kitchen yesterday. It looks like piles of laundry and unpaid bills. It looks like promises of "I'll do it tomorrow" repeatedly broken. It looks like anger, and inappropriate joking. It looks lonely, isolated... as if there are spikes around everyone they love and touching...is out of the question. It looks like watching hours and hours of television, and wasting lots of precious time. It looks like avoidance and escape, fake smiles and masks. It looks like procrastination and laziness. I am dealing with so much of my own inner turmoil at the moment,my own health issues, my own brokenness. How am I supposed to carry the burdens of others while trying to care for myself?How do I say "no" to the extra workload that I now have to bear? How do I turn off my empathy, my compassion? Trying to protect myself feels like: I am turning my back on the people that are supposed to be the most important to me. But if I don't protect my mind, my soul, my heart, my health, how will I be able to continue on? It feels like digging a hole in the sand, just to watch it fill upfaster than what you can keep up. It feels desperate, and like I am constantly searching for answers. It feels like God has turned his back on my family. Depression isn't only lonely to the depressed, it is lonely to those who love them.